20th Feb 2016
DRONE WARS ‘Lets go fly a kite’ Pt3 Captains Blog
Some of you may be aware that Einstein’s theory on gravity waves has been proved correct. Great, well done! Well done Albert, why did we ever doubt you? More to the point, what the hell has it got to do with me? Now if he could have explained why it’s been so windy and do something about it I would be delirious!
My Drone and I have been grounded now for three weeks. This time hasn’t been wasted, as I read my instructions that have been translated from Chinese.
They insisted on calling the Drone a ‘UFO’, which was a bit perplexing as I thought the ‘U’ in UFO stood for Un-identified not, wayward little git or hell raiser. The first pages of the instructions were nothing but one long disclaimer, with twenty variations of basically saying, “ We are not responsible for any injury or damage the UFO may cause.” I swear they were doing their best not to upset the Countryside Alliance, an organization that thinks it runs the country.
I thought of many names to call the Drone, like Jeremy Corbyn (all over the place and bound to crash) or Rasputin (wanders all over the place and screws anything that moves) or Little shit! One thing it wasn’t going to be called was ‘Boomerang!’
I bought six extra batteries from Amazon, which arrived promptly. You would have thought I would have been happy about that but as I opened the packet it dawned on me that that I had just quadrupled my time of causing mayhem.
The Batteries, like the drone, are made in China and charge up via USB cable from the computer. The instructions say “when charging batteries don’t leave alone (their English) and put them on a fireproof plate – fire proof! Hardly Hi-tech and these are the blokes who are going to build our nuclear power stations!
I saw a technology programme, which had a feature on Drones. It said, “The only reason to fly Drones was to get some fantastic ariel photographs.” Rubbish! Drones are mostly for men who Santa didn’t deliver a Scalectrix set to and for types who think Jeremy Clarkson should be Knighted for services to humanity (just as long as their British).
I have to confess I am fast becoming one of those type’s as once it’s become evident that I have managed to stay clear of all obstacles and haven’t cracked open anyone’s skull I can’t stop laughing! They are great fun!
I finally thought, “Would captain Kirk let a bit of wind stop him on his mission?” ”To hell with the wind, lets go fly a kite!”
The joy box was switched on and the levers pulled back. I heard the electronic bleeps of the drone as it came to life. Two blue lights flashed like eyes from the fuselage of the craft giving it a face like the monster in Alien. The Drone buzzed into life and I could swear I heard it say “Ha! Come back for more! Sucker!”
The drone took off vertically and quickly soared up to twenty odd feet where the predicted weather forecast of strong winds proved correct. Not exactly mind you, yes the wind was strong but in a different direction than forecast. It wasn’t a westerly but a southerly taking my drone straight towards the A4.
I can hear you all now “why are you near the A4? Surely with your past close encounters you’d be more careful?” Well you can all untwist your knickers right now! Of course I’ve taken precautions, I am slap bang in the middle of the park where the ground is so waterlogged only seagulls and aquatic loving pigeons reside.
The gulls and pigeons quickly dived for cover as the drone flew over them and with me at the controls I can hardly blame them. Another precaution I’ve taken is to fly the drone in Low mode making it much slower.
Once more I tried to turn the drone left, it flew straight on, I tried to turn it right, but it still flew straight on. And then something I hadn’t bargained for, the sun! I could hear Drones engine it but I couldn’t see it. I went into my usual mode of thought while flying this thing – blind panic!!!
Theses things move fast and when you can’t see them anything can happen. I knew I could clear the A4 easily but that would be silly, I checked the park and guessed where I would probably land. Of course there had to be two green welly wearing types from the countryside alliance walking in the mire (the countryside Alliance thinks it owns the UK) SO if I hit them on the bonce , TOUGH! Corbyn says hello!
It crashed safely and I plodded after it through the bog to retrieve it. I returned to the centre of the park for flight number two. Again the wind got the better of the Drone and sent it south. Left, right commands had little effect. It was very high, higher than the highest tree in the park. I thought I’d try an extreme command and put the Drone into reverse. This had an extreme effect: the Drone dropped like a stone!
Again I plodded after it on a retrieval mission. Soon I was back to the centre of the park and all the wading through the mud was getting to me. I thought if I’d try and turn the power up to maximum. I did and the Drone flew straight at my head! I ducked and it just missed me crashing twenty odd yards behind! I trudged after it and found one of the wheel s had come off.
I searched in the mud for ten minutes until I had found it! Its slowly dawned on me I had done more walking than the bloody Drone had done flying. My feet were wet and my back ached and so I took a plan of action just like Captain Kirk, I went home and had a nice cuppa tea and some biscuits
DRONE WARS ‘Lets go fly a kite’ Pt3 Captains Blog
Some of you may be aware that Einstein’s theory on gravity waves has been proved correct. Great, well done! Well done Albert, why did we ever doubt you? More to the point, what the hell has it got to do with me? Now if he could have explained why it’s been so windy and do something about it I would be delirious!
My Drone and I have been grounded now for three weeks. This time hasn’t been wasted, as I read my instructions that have been translated from Chinese.
They insisted on calling the Drone a ‘UFO’, which was a bit perplexing as I thought the ‘U’ in UFO stood for Un-identified not, wayward little git or hell raiser. The first pages of the instructions were nothing but one long disclaimer, with twenty variations of basically saying, “ We are not responsible for any injury or damage the UFO may cause.” I swear they were doing their best not to upset the Countryside Alliance, an organization that thinks it runs the country.
I thought of many names to call the Drone, like Jeremy Corbyn (all over the place and bound to crash) or Rasputin (wanders all over the place and screws anything that moves) or Little shit! One thing it wasn’t going to be called was ‘Boomerang!’
I bought six extra batteries from Amazon, which arrived promptly. You would have thought I would have been happy about that but as I opened the packet it dawned on me that that I had just quadrupled my time of causing mayhem.
The Batteries, like the drone, are made in China and charge up via USB cable from the computer. The instructions say “when charging batteries don’t leave alone (their English) and put them on a fireproof plate – fire proof! Hardly Hi-tech and these are the blokes who are going to build our nuclear power stations!
I saw a technology programme, which had a feature on Drones. It said, “The only reason to fly Drones was to get some fantastic ariel photographs.” Rubbish! Drones are mostly for men who Santa didn’t deliver a Scalectrix set to and for types who think Jeremy Clarkson should be Knighted for services to humanity (just as long as their British).
I have to confess I am fast becoming one of those type’s as once it’s become evident that I have managed to stay clear of all obstacles and haven’t cracked open anyone’s skull I can’t stop laughing! They are great fun!
I finally thought, “Would captain Kirk let a bit of wind stop him on his mission?” ”To hell with the wind, lets go fly a kite!”
The joy box was switched on and the levers pulled back. I heard the electronic bleeps of the drone as it came to life. Two blue lights flashed like eyes from the fuselage of the craft giving it a face like the monster in Alien. The Drone buzzed into life and I could swear I heard it say “Ha! Come back for more! Sucker!”
The drone took off vertically and quickly soared up to twenty odd feet where the predicted weather forecast of strong winds proved correct. Not exactly mind you, yes the wind was strong but in a different direction than forecast. It wasn’t a westerly but a southerly taking my drone straight towards the A4.
I can hear you all now “why are you near the A4? Surely with your past close encounters you’d be more careful?” Well you can all untwist your knickers right now! Of course I’ve taken precautions, I am slap bang in the middle of the park where the ground is so waterlogged only seagulls and aquatic loving pigeons reside.
The gulls and pigeons quickly dived for cover as the drone flew over them and with me at the controls I can hardly blame them. Another precaution I’ve taken is to fly the drone in Low mode making it much slower.
Once more I tried to turn the drone left, it flew straight on, I tried to turn it right, but it still flew straight on. And then something I hadn’t bargained for, the sun! I could hear Drones engine it but I couldn’t see it. I went into my usual mode of thought while flying this thing – blind panic!!!
Theses things move fast and when you can’t see them anything can happen. I knew I could clear the A4 easily but that would be silly, I checked the park and guessed where I would probably land. Of course there had to be two green welly wearing types from the countryside alliance walking in the mire (the countryside Alliance thinks it owns the UK) SO if I hit them on the bonce , TOUGH! Corbyn says hello!
It crashed safely and I plodded after it through the bog to retrieve it. I returned to the centre of the park for flight number two. Again the wind got the better of the Drone and sent it south. Left, right commands had little effect. It was very high, higher than the highest tree in the park. I thought I’d try an extreme command and put the Drone into reverse. This had an extreme effect: the Drone dropped like a stone!
Again I plodded after it on a retrieval mission. Soon I was back to the centre of the park and all the wading through the mud was getting to me. I thought if I’d try and turn the power up to maximum. I did and the Drone flew straight at my head! I ducked and it just missed me crashing twenty odd yards behind! I trudged after it and found one of the wheel s had come off.
I searched in the mud for ten minutes until I had found it! Its slowly dawned on me I had done more walking than the bloody Drone had done flying. My feet were wet and my back ached and so I took a plan of action just like Captain Kirk, I went home and had a nice cuppa tea and some biscuits
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